31 Clever Jokes about Dogs to Get You through the Week

 

This week started with a bang – a literal and a big one at that with all the 4th of July celebrations happening in every part of the country. You know what the problem is with weeks that start with a big bang? You can almost expect the rest of the coming days to be lame. Tuesday – lame; Wednesday – lame-o; Thursday – definitely/maybe lamer; Friday – ooh, Friday! And so we were thinking, what can we do to make our readers survive this week? Best answer: dog jokes. Well, for one, everybody loves dogs. Anyone who doesn’t like dogs must have been a criminal in their past life. And jokes? Who couldn’t use a joke these days? The best antidote to life’s stresses is a good, long laugh. As Robert Frost said, “If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane!” Who would want to go insane? Not me, that’s for sure.

Photo: Youtube
Photo: Youtube

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1. Q: What do you call a frozen dog?

A: A pup-sicle

Gif: LOLCODYBOND
Photo: LOLCODYBOND

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2. We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet. – Rita Rudner

 

Photo: Dog Vacay
Photo: Dog Vacay

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3. Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

     A: A friend you can count on

Photo: Twitter
Photo: Twitter

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4. Q: Why don’t blind people like to skydive?

A: Because it scares the dog!

Photo: I Heart Dogs
Photo: I Heart Dogs

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5. “We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” – Mommy Dog

 

Photo: Tumblr
Photo: Tumblr

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6. After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”

“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.

“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

Photo: Modern Dog Magazine
Photo: Modern Dog Magazine

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7. Q: Why don’t dogs make the best dancers?

A: Because they have two left feet!

Photo: Pinterest
Photo: Pinterest

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8. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. – Jeff Valdez

 

Photo: The Planet D
Photo: The Planet D

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9. Q: Why does the dog bring toilet paper to the party?

A: Because he is a party pooper.

Photo: Funny Junksite
Photo: Funny Junksite

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10. A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

 

Photo: Twitter
Photo: Twitter

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11. Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?

A: Ruff!

Photo: iStock
Photo: iStock

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12. A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”

Photo: Reddit
Photo: Reddit

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13. Q: What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza?

A: Pup-peroni

Photo: Reddit
Photo: Reddit

 

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14. Q: What kind of markets do dogs avoid?

A: A flea market!

Photo: Radio Pet Lady
Photo: Radio Pet Lady

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15. I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in 
a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won’t find them. – Eli Terry

Photo: Reddit
Photo: Reddit

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16. Two racehorses are in a stable. One says to the other, “You know, 
before that last race …”

“The one that you won?” asks the other horse.

“Yeah, before that race, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters.”

The other horse says, “Funny, 
I felt a pinch in my hindquarters 
before the race that I won.”

A dog walking by says, “You 
idiots, you’re being doped. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you faster!”

The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”

Photo: Horse Channel
Photo: Horse Channel

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17. Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

A: He wanted to make ends meet.

Photo: Petful
Photo: Petful

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18. Q: Why is the cat afraid of the tree?

A: Because of its bark.

Photo: Live Internet
Photo: Live Internet

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19. Q: What did the Dalmatian say after eating dinner?

A: Wow, that hit the spots!

Photo: The Very Best Top 10
Photo: The Very Best Top 10

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20. Q: Why are dalmatians terrible at hide and seek?

    A: Because they’re always spotted.

Photo: Luv My Dog
Photo: Luv My Dog

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21. When dog food says “new and improved”, who’s been tasting it?

 

Photo: Zazzle
Photo: Zazzle

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22. Q: How do you keep a dog from smelling?

A: You hold its nose!

Photo: Awesomely Cute
Photo: Awesomely Cute

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23. Q: What did one flea say to another flea when they walked out of the movies?

A: Should we walk or should we take the dog?

Photo: Cartoon Stock
Photo: Cartoon Stock

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24. Q: What kind of a dog can jump as high as a building?

A: Any kind. A building can’t jump!

Photo: Mister Squid
Photo: Mister Squid

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25. It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.

“It sure is,” I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”

Photo: Wikipedia
Photo: Wikipedia

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26. Q: What is more amazing than a talking dog?

A: A spelling bee

Photo: Nathan Gibson
Photo: Nathan Gibson

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27. Q: What’s black and white and red all over?

A: A blushing dalmatian

Photo: Rant Pets
Photo: Rant Pets

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28. Q: Where do you put barking dogs?

A: In a barking lot

Photo: 3 Million Dogs
Photo: 3 Million Dogs

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29. A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.”

The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

Photo: Imgur
Photo: Imgur

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30. Q: Why did the dog stay in the shade?

A: He didn’t want to turn into a hot dog.

Photo:  Pinterest
Photo: Pinterest

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31. Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?

A: Not the mail – that’s for sure.

Photo: This Is Why I'm Broke
Photo: This Is Why I’m Broke

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